The Last Time I Say Goodbye
by Blue Jeans
Summary: Hitomi's reflection (Based on the Movie). A one-shot vignette on how Hitomi viewed her adventures when she looks back on them as her life is coming to a close.


Warning: There is spoilers here for the movie if you haven't already seen it.  
And I don't own Escaflowne in any shape or form, I'm just a writer who is at the  
moment, broke.  
  
(Ehehehehe, I thought it was time I ran this through edit. I think I caught all  
of my previous errors... especially the REALLY obvious ones ^_^;;)  
  
Based on the movie, Escaflowne: A Girl from Gaea  
  
  
The Last Time I Say Goodbye  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
.blue.  
  
People spend their lives dreaming. Or is it that we live in a dream that   
made the parting so difficult? Because it wasn't until I met you, that lonely boy   
in a lonely world, almost a man but not quite, that made me want to comfort you.   
Maybe it was the sadness in your eyes that I detected, like the sadness I lived   
with every day of my life.  
  
The first time I saw it on your face, that peace without a trace of pain, I   
knew. You were sleeping in my arms, after all. I wanted to tell myself that, and   
not remember the blood that seeped onto your armor, not remember the rain and the   
beast-man who stood, telling me to let you go. That was the bargain we made in   
life, isn't it? The wish that you and I both shared that had brought us together,   
and it was that, that opened my eyes to something beyond myself. It was you who did   
it, waking me from my restless dreams, waking me from my sollace in the silence, and   
the loneliness, and the destructive emptiness in my heart. I hadn't realize it until   
then, when you laid within my arms, your wishes almost fulfilled, how much the   
reality of that wish scared me.  
  
It was then that I began to understand how much I was afraid of true   
loneliness.  
  
It was raining, wasn't it? Washing away the disguises we put up, bearing   
the pain we held inside and making it come forth. I've never seen so much pain in   
my life, the pain reflecting on your face, the pain of your beautiful world, Gaea,   
turned to war. After all, I have never seen a war beyond the one I fought inside   
of myself. I had never seen hatred that reflected my own self-hatred, until I   
came to here, till I found myself on Gaea.  
  
Gaea.  
  
The land of dreams.  
  
So it is there I found you, Van, a boy. Others would call you a man. You   
fought like one after all, you had the skills and the strength and the heart of a   
King, which qualified you to be a man. You saw what many men never saw in their   
lifetimes: betrayal and fire, war and hatred, loss and emptiness. But inside,   
deep down in your heart, you were a boy. With the dreams of a boy, and the heart   
of an innocent. That was why Folken -- enemy, brother, and once even a hero in   
your eyes -- hated you.  
  
Hate? I never understood it, until that day he came for me in all my   
emptiness, after I had deliberately pushed away my best friend so I could stand   
alone on those steps, stand there and wish to merge into nothingness. Merge and   
become the emptiness inside of myself. Hate, so close to love that one can cross   
the lines and never realize it. Folken loved you so much that he hated you, and at   
the time, neither of us had truly understood it till the end, till his last breath  
escaped him with your name on his lips.  
  
Sora's song had called to me in my darkest despair, calling to my emptiness.  
  
Yet, it was you I sought, you that Escaflowne bowed to as I was sent   
tumbling into your arms. You, who had reached out as the world crumbled beneath my   
feet and caught me with your hands, wings extended like an angel in this world, dark   
with war. You would smile and deny your own deeds to necessity, claiming me your   
savior. But I remember that time spent within your heart, warm with the breeze of   
long ago, a past I never was and never will be a part of, not in your world.   
Yet, under the tree I promised that as long as we were together, we can hurt each   
other, didn't I? So that we could reach out, so that the silence inside both of   
us would melt away.  
  
It was my promise to you.  
  
Now, after the rocky years of adolescence. After the times spent in   
another's arms, loving and giving, cherishing the children we shared, the pain we   
inflicted upon each other, I remember you, Van. I remember the way you looked up   
at the Mistic Moon -- the name you've given to my home, my Earth -- and I remember   
that silent curiosity in your eyes. It was the same feeling I had felt when   
Escaflowne opened and I fell into your arms, seeing the armor you were adorned in,   
feeling your strength and the strong beat of your heart beneath my hand. You had   
startled me from the very beginning, and even when I realized we shared the same   
fate and heart and dreams, you remained always a mystery to me.  
  
A magical moment.  
  
You were my first love, not my last, but one who I'll always cherish in that   
corner of my heart. We could not stay together, you and I, we who are of different   
worlds cannot mingle. Yet, now, before my last breath escape my lips, I wished with   
all of my heart to see your face. Your face, darkened by the sun with liquid brown   
eyes, sad and lambent. I remember how your dark hair had felt beneath my fingers   
when I had brushed it away from your face while you were wounded. I remember the   
warm scent of sweat and heat and the earth, that scent of Gaea on your skin.  
  
You were the wings of freedom of my heart that I had never had before I had  
met you. And when we rode the dragon together, when the feathers rained down on the   
city after the war was over and life was once again returning to normal, I knew.  
  
I loved you then, and I love you now.  
  
Van.  
  
King of Fanelia, King of my heart.  
  
I have loved others, you had taught me that. I have gotten over my fear of   
giving myself. But we never said goodbye, you know? Maybe this time we won't have   
to be parted. I lived my life and you lived yours, after all. You became King and   
I went back to the normal life of a teenage girl in Tokyo, no longer seeking solace   
in sleep, no longer wishing to disappear. Whenever the darkness came too close, I   
remembered your face and the wings on your back, and the strength in your arms. I   
remembered how you had illuminated my world in the dark and knew no other way of   
honoring you than to love you and to love myself.  
  
We will never be parted, you and I.  
  
You showed me that we are never truly alone.  
  
Van, let me see you before I close my eyes and sleep. Before I meet you on   
the other side. So that I know that life is not a dream, nor is Death. I want to   
believe that our love was not an illusion, nor the strength of your arms holding   
me close.  
  
"Hitomi," I turn my head to see my children kneeling near my futon.  
  
I can see my growing grandchild looking uncomfortable and a little sad. She   
reminds me of myself when I was her age, and I smile and stretch my hand, now   
gnarled with age, at her. "Child," I say. "This is not the end." She weeps, but I   
had sparked a bit of hope inside of her, and I know someday she will meet someone who   
will teach her a greater hope than I. I know, I have been at the same crossroad and   
chosen -- though perhaps a bit more bizarre and exotic then most.  
  
I had asked you that same question in my youth, fearful of the answer,   
wanting to be assured that we would never truly part. And you nodded with that sad   
smile on your lips, telling me that it will never end, not love. And I believed   
you then, as I believe you now. Love goes on and on, born in us who loves, like   
Gaea and the legend of the Mystic Moon. Love is like the ocean in your heart, Van,   
one that will never be dry, and can never be swept away.  
  
Love is eternal, like the heart of Escaflowne, beating to the drums of the   
human desire.  
  
Wait for me, Van!  
  
I close my eyes and remembered the way you whispered my name. Not Tsubasa   
no Kami, not the Goddess of Wings from legends past, but me, Kanzaki Hitomi.  
  
I smile and see the feathers falling around me and know the truth you spoke   
when you inclined your head at my childish fears so long ago.  
  
We will never be parted, for this is not goodbye.  
  
It is only the beginning, Van.  
  
  
The End  
  
  
.blue.  
blueweber@hotmail.com  
  
* Jajuka is the beast man, since Hitomi, in the movie (not the anime) never got to   
know Jajuka except that one encounter (not that she got to know him at all in  
the anime either), I thought she might describe it that way. Don't take me wrong,   
Jajuka is an adored character in my mind, but here, he will be "beast man" but not   
in the derogatory sense, just in the descriptive sense.  
  
* Yes, the movie is different then the anime. I've seen both of them. :p Hitomi   
in the movie is a manic depressive, please don't argue with me on this point if   
you have not seen the movie. And if you have and think that she is not a manic   
depressive, then... I don't know how you can think otherwise. Really, if you   
think of Hitomi as optimistic in the movie... I'm scared of you, or the very  
least, I'm scared FOR you.  
  
* For those of you who would like to have Hitomi and Van long after each other for   
the rest of their lives, to that I say, YEAH RIGHT! They love each other, give   
them a break! Let them be happy! If Van and Hitomi spend the rest of their lives   
pining away for each other it defeats the whole purpose, reason, whatever, of what   
they'd learned from each other! In other words, it defeats the whole purpose of   
their relationship! GAH! I know angst is good but in this case, it would've been   
inappropriate. So YES! Hitomi has kids! YES! She married another man! And   
YES, (for the love of Kami-sama!) She LOVED someone else other than Van! (Don't   
scream, you might pop my ear drum... if I haven't already popped your ^_-) That's   
what they taught each other, right? To love and to give? And if anything, I would   
be one of those people who DOES wish that she spend the rest of her life with Van.   
But really, that's not the reality of this anime. Please, if you are going to flame   
me, don't flame me about this or I swear, I will hunt you down and give you a piece   
of my mind (yup, I can come up with more things to rant and rave about ^_^v)! :p  
  
* Oh, and hope you enjoyed the story. This is my first Escaflowne one ^_^v  
  
.blue.  
blueweber@hotmail.com 


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